The taste of grace

It is a dangerous place to be if we think we are better than everyone else, if we think we have arrived at some spiritual point that we will never slip up, or if we think we belong to Jesus' own denomination and the others are incorrect. Such arrogance will lead those of such thinking straight into Hell. 

While the Bible does call the elect "saints," those who are sanctified through Christ, we have little to do with our being viewed that way. It is our submission to God, through repentance, that puts us into a state where we can be viewed as being "saints." It is The Christ who is the sole one who has made us appear saints in His eyes. You or I cannot work our way into a state of sainthood, of holiness, no matter how hard we try. Who can lead a godly life? Who can be above sin through the length of their lives? Can a monk, who shuts his mouth through a day and night, but may covet a piece of bread, thereby sinning? Or a nun, who denies the flesh, denies her emotions, and lives as if she is following a rote-by-numbers life? Without a close relationship- as the created with the creator, no nun can achieve a Christ-like state of bliss.

There was a time long ago when I read everything I could find written by a peculiar Catholic monk who seemed to have his head on straighter than anyone I had ever known. I was a bookish lad, surrounded by my grandparents' eclectic library, and had been exposed to the Latin Mass, contemporary mass, and several protestant interpretations of Christianity. I poured over Seeds of Contemplation, and "the contemplative life." I plowed through books written for a much more experienced audience, in an effort to find answers to the questions my mind asked late at night. 

But even as I gained answers, more questions came until I found solace in that mystery of mysteries, the actual Bible. No longer content to pursue the way of the monks (including persuading my mother to regularly purchase Monk's Bread that came from a monastery in Vermont), I found the Bible more Irish, in that some of it, you just settled on confirming that what you did not know would be a mystery until you passed beyond the veil to the real alternative to Tir Na N'Og, to eternal life. I learned to accept what might be vaguely Catholic in my answers, as if the deep questions were sometimes too much of "an ecumenical matter."

But coloration...whether denominational, cultural, or existential, faded as I read and studied the actual Bible and gave up concentrating on a particular shade of worldview. There was, within the actual text, a distinct worldview, not quite matching anyone's denominational take, nor a philosophy championed by a particular scholar. The text was the foundation, woven more intricately than a Solzhenitsyn novel, or moody like a Chekhov story, it had such emotion contained in deep, engrossing sentences and paragraphs. 

A student's lifelong search might be to understand the full meaning of "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." It is, in my humble opinion, so deep, I have spent decades searching the depth of that well, while still finding more meaning beyond what I knew previously. And that is one sliver of the sweet cake contained in the New Testament alone. 

It is with a heart knowing I am only one of billions created, whom God has still chosen to love and forgive, that is humbling. How can one be full of pride realizing that truth? Grace, undeserved mercy, is humbling when you know you have not lived up to holiness. 

There is only one holy Creator, and everywhere I look, I see His artwork. In the faces He has created. In the eyes and smiles of strangers. In the world around. And while some is certainly a mystery, I know the taste of grace. It is unmistakable. It is what brings me to my knees. It is what blows away every haughty thought, every haughty answer. It is at the core of a life I hope will please my maker forever. I have not yet passed to a glorified state, that place where we will know eternity and the One we will call Father. But one day...we will know, as we are already known...