The Senior Citizen Dictionary

Every once in a while, a new generation creates a compendium of useful words, notably a slang or associated vernacular, which is then classified by their generation. Those within that generation might understand one another better than those who had formative experiences in another time period.

These anomalies of formalized language tend to be most pronounced during youth or during a maturing phase of life. Sadly, the language of a Senior, or Senior Citizen, may be misinterpreted by earlier generations.

One way to solve this, would be to compile a "Senior Citizen Dictionary" that would explain the world as it might be viewed by your man or won 65 and older. I say this as one who would know.

The Senior Citizen Dictionary, which I believe could be as successful as the "mansplainer," would contain dictionary entries solely based on relative senior experiences.

For example, under "Golden" (Noun):

1. The stream running down your leg because you did not make it to the bathroom 2. the color of your urine because of dyes in your medicine.

3. The false idea that your latter years in life will be filled with smiles, happiness, and massive discounts on everything from steaks to new gutters. SEE Golden Buckeye Card fraud.

These definitions would require "as used in a sentence" sentences, like when we were in school.

TEACHER: Can you give an example of that in a sentence?

9 YEAR OLD: Yes, I can.

TEACHER: Give me a sentence with the word used correctly.

9 YEAR OLD: He correctly her mouth.

TEACHER: That is not a sentence.

9 YEAR OLD: It is too.

TEACHER: You are incorrect.

9 YEAR OLD: I know you are, but what am I?

Included in said dictionary would be words like "Epizoodie," which some old codger used to ramble on about to you...and now that you have gray or white hair, you have been dwelling on that word, wondering what in the blazes it means. So, of course, it goes into the Senior Citizen Dictionary.

It would be colored by your great grandmother who used the word incorrectly, spelled it incorrectly, but it was "a thing" to her...and very awful...so it goes in the dictionary...

Epizoodie (Noun, adjective)- Your grandmother's term for a horrible thing, likely a deadly disease. "I swear she got the epizoodie last week and it plumb near killed her."

This grandmother did not know there is a term "epizoodic." Hence, it appears in the Senior Citizens Dictionary as used by the senior citizen.

Slang words from the 1940s might appear because your mother used them. Since she called the stupid guy who dropped a pass from the quarterback a "dumbbunny," that entry would go into the Senior Citizen Dictionary. Forget about it being a word that shouldn't belong in the standard dictionary. The Senior Citizen Dictionary should supersede such a "narrow view."

As you can plainly see, this proposal would very likely be a best-selling reference text, right up there with The Oxford Dictionary of Verse and The Toilet Seat Reference Tool. 

Perhaps, I will go to Wix, Squarespace, or another website builder and craft a slick-looking site to market and sell the new dictionary, offering a free T-shirt with every sale. I am sure we could make big money...mucho dinero...but right now, it is 10:59 PM and I've one minute before my bedtime and all those pills and I have to strain my urine for the doctor and i have to gargle with salt water and i have to check my oxygen level, so i've no time for it. Besides, I have to eat a handful of nuts before bed, 'cause Momma always said if you don't eat nuts before you go to bed, you won't be able to poop in the morning.

 

  

The Golden Christmas Coin

 If Trump and Bessent really want to change history, they will introduce The Golden Christmas Coin, a $5 golden-colored piece of currency slightly larger than the current dollar coins.

 Releasing these beauties before or after Thanksgiving every year, and only during the Christmas shopping season, would boost seasonal sales, and inject money into the economy while cutting public debt more than traditional coin costs.

 We need only look north for an example of how to do it. In 1987, the Canadian government introduced the Loonie, a gold-colored coin, that surpassed the popularity of the paper Canadian dollar. Production costs needed a golden-looking coating to the exterior, but the cost of production compared to the value brought in, surpassed the amount of revenue brought in from any other coin.

 If Canada can do it, the United States of America can do it one better- design and produce a $10 million a season run of a five-dollar coin every year from November to the end of December, with a Golden Nativity scene on the front. That $5 coin could become the stuff of Christmas shopping promotions. 

 If the Treasury released a design contest for the rear of the coin- with stipulations for the incorporation of particular items necessary for the coinage (like In God We Trust), the release date could become a focus of national attention every year. 

 For every American Christian, this coinage would reflect the cultural and spiritual heritage of a vast population of Christians from the generations of all Americans since the founding of this country. It would be the first coin in many years to acknowledge the blessings of God on our land, and the presence of a great cloud of witnesses here below who hail from a nation based on Christian principles.

 With a production cost analysis that would lower the debt, the antithesis of the penny and nickel, the Golden Christmas coin could become the next "Golden Ticket," a Christ-honoring form of wealth for spending on your most treasured seasonal gifts.