The Super Genius

after a long hard day of work...for the job that really pays my bills, and not writing, which is my heart...I come home like an old wet dishrag, slump into a Lazy Boy, and ponder how I was born for such a time as this.

I was born too early to be a YouTube star, too early to make much money on the web. I'm like a time traveler stuck in two different eras at the same time. And everywhere I look, some super genius has a technologically superior website that makes me feel like a third grader at a talent show. The real world has forced me into making a living using lower-level critical thinking skills, while there is someone above me making decisions on a level comparable to my dog’s IQ (if I had a dog, but I've no time for that sort of thing). You would have thought Momma would have told me there’d be days like this….but she never did...so...

...every day, I do the same old thing…get dressed, eat some dippy eggs and buttery bread, go to the bathroom, brush my teeth, open the door, close the door, go back and open the door, go back and put the toilet seat down…and finally, get my gear and head for the mobile office…

now, my neighbor has a dog…who never shuts up. He barks at mashed potatoes, he barks at running water, he barks at street lights, he barks at car doors. when I climb into my vehicle to go to work, he runs away from the fence and into the house and back out the front door to say good-bye. I appreciate it, because at least someone thinks I am a little more interesting than discarded food. But it shouldn’t be this way. I have talent. I have skill. And I have a longer attention span than a poodle…

But you wouldn’t know it, if I sat in the same room as these profiles you see online. no, you surely wouldn’t. so what if i am trilingual…they are the feckin’ easter bunny. and don’t you forget it. they will charge you $297 to show you how you can take photos that no longer look like Mister Potato Head in a friggin’ snowstorm. Color palettes of shades you never dreamed of because you were born in a hovel somewhere and your education never gave you a pallet, except one to lay on the ground. and your likes? right, they have enough likes from over 1.7 million subscribers, you will never be in their league. so how can I compete against these know-it-alls with mysterious acronyms behind their names?

sure, it may take me awhile…but after a time, i'll forget about the audacity of fuppin' eejits who know how to code. I will remember again that I am certainly as intelligent as that narcissistic eejit hawking earth-shattering photography lessons for hundreds of dollars online. I'm no eejit. If I was, I might be spending my hard-earned money on a course of photography from someone who may be a brainless twit. I am not going to have any delusions of being the next super genius. I understand there are "gifted" people out there with thousands of dollars of equipment that can make them look like a great photographer, even if they have the IQ of a banana. So I may never be a great photographer, but at least I will not have wasted $297...