Compliance

 

Someone is watching you drive, someone is watching you walk,  someone is monitoring your online life- all in the name of security, and standardization. Standardization is an obsession of Bureaucratic governments, and the Bureaucratic States of America is at the top of the throne.  

A randomly worded Federal Decree of 1995, which mandates that all usable toilets within the USA must flush with precisely 1.0 gallons of water (unless waterless), equalizing waste disposal, is one of the regime's finest regulations. The ADA inspects toilets to make sure they are compliant. This Toilet Police is supported by a beehive of office-dwelling government workers, whose sole job is to produce volumes of documentation. This, my friend, is what makes America what it is. To say we are grateful for their work is like saying we are grateful for PMS, the IRS, and the color of the UPS- the latter referring to the exquisite ca-ca brown of the colored trucks. 

In a classical video- featuring soothing music- one of the USDA’s leading Toilet Engineers reveals the wonders of the now globally standardized one gallon flush. ADA compliant toilet company, St. Thomas, reveals the secrets of this technology with a video demonstrating the awesome power of their porcelain pooper. Introduced to this slimline toilet, a sightless hand feeds 18 hot dogs, several carrots, plastic chess pieces, 3 pounds of Gummi Bears, and 78 plastic letters and numbers...like the entire contents of one set from Sesame Street. All are magically flushed with a whooshing sound like a vacuum sucking the air out of an entire room.

It is a reflection of insanity when your government discovers toilet compliance is necessary to ensure harmony within your nation. One wonders what might happen if the voting public demanded the redundancy of the toilet bureaucracy, saving the government millions of dollars per year. In a land run by clowns and featuring a diaper-wearing dementia patient, is it any wonder that we are knee deep in a stench that refuses to fade?